5 months
Photo #1 from Weirton, United States by Adam Orion made on 2018-10-23 23:41 for Sola

Five Fun-Filled Ways To Survive Your Own Death

Even though most people are resigned to the fact that they will eventually pass away forever; there are still a few of us around who are not taking this death thing lying down.

We have the Transhumanist movement, the group of people who plan to upload themselves into virtual reality and live on for all eternity in cyber heaven.

Then there are the Buddhist monks who begin mummifying themselves years before their deaths, and then they crawl into caves and hopefully transform into immortal buddhas before their body can kill them.

However, there are a few other, less high tech (and less excruciating) approaches to achieving earthly immortality that I have come across in my research.

The following is a short list of a few promising methods for cheating the Grim Reaper out of his gruesome harvest:

  1. Get right up into the face of your great arch enemy, and swear emphatically, fist waving angrily in the air, that you will make damn sure to return from the grave, with the sole purpose of making his or her life a living hell!

(If done correctly, you might even be given the opportunity to begin your post-life haunting right then and there!)

  1. When you die, stay away from the light!
  1. Buy a classic American car, then spend every penny you have restoring it to showroom condition. Give the car a human name. Sit in the car for all hours of the day or night stroking its steering wheel tenderly. Play Fifties music and whisper sweet nothings to it. Finally, when you are on your deathbed, ask to be placed in the driver's seat of your beloved ride before it's too late.

(The heir to this car will never have a lonely commute!)

  1. Search the globe for decades in an attempt to rediscover King Solomon's magical ring of power; but then, in desperation and old age, resign yourself to inventing a ring of power of your own. Buy any old gold ring, (or whatever metal feels magical to you) Cover it with engravings of bizarre occult symbols, give it a scary latin name, polish it obsessively for hours, day after day, muttering incoherently; and then, when you die, leave it to a trusted loved one with strict instructions on how to use the magic ring to summon you back in times of great need.
  1. Have yourself buried in a corrupt pet cemetery.

Try any or all of these methods and be sure to come back to let me know if they worked!

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