CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #563 When I was a little boy the Russians were coming. At least once a week, I was instructed to hide in the school basement because the Russians were coming. I actually spent six years learning to speak Russian because when they got here, I wanted to know how to say, "Don't shoot!" (не стрелять!) And now, more than half a century later, after their dumbass system of government imploded, the friggin' Russians are still coming. How is that possible? How are we still being tormented by a nation that has yet to build a decent refrigerator or toaster, let alone a cell phone or a car? By a culture that thinks borscht is a good idea? By the people who somehow managed to contribute less to rock music than the French? I mean, sure, kudos on vodka, but how is it that these people are still making us miserable? And more importantly, why? Is world domination still a thing? And if it is, let's say they succeed. What then? The future supreme rulers of planet Earth are gonna rock the casbah with balalaikas? Forgive me, but in the words of their favorite son, Orange Julius, that is "sad."